(Rolls eyes), (sigh)

When I started this blog, I said I would only write when I wanted to. I wasn’t going to hold myself to a schedule and that’s still true. When I feel like I HAVE to do something, I don’t want to do it… so, I’ve been putting little notes here and there in my phone and when I feel like I’ve got something I want to write about it, I write. So… I know it’s been a while, but here we go.

Lately, I’ve noticed that there are things that people say or do that just really get under my skin. I’m a pretty patient person, but since I’m going back to work very soon, I figured I might as well air my complaints here, get them off my back and go back to school with a full tank of patience. This is a short list of things that can guarantee at least a sassy eye roll, side eye, or an inward monologue from me.

1. “Fall down seven times get up eight” – This phrase is less something that irritates me and more just something that I don’t understand. If you fall down 7 times, you get up 7… right? Unless you’re counting waking up and getting out of bed in the morning as “get up” #1, then this phrase makes absolutely no sense. Then again… I was always bad at word problems in math so… maybe it’s just me.

2. “Fake it til you make it” and “Grin and bear it.” – No y’all. Except in instances of confidence and maybe your first year of teaching, don’t ever fake it. Do you hear me? Don’t. Ever. Fake. It. If you are sad, be sad. Let others know you are sad. Reach out. If you are struggling, struggle. Tell your friends, family, anyone who will listen, that you are struggling. This is a phrase that could be helpful, but often is used in the wrong context. If you need help, don’t bear it alone. Ask for help. Please. Don’t fake it. Don’t bear it. Tell someone you need help. Let others care for you and help you.

3. Words that people spell wrong or pronounce wrong. I’m a little bit of a spelling nerd. Always have been. If you look at this list and don’t know which one is right, I’m giving you major side eye. These are the biggest sins:

1. Preform vs. Perform

2. Seperate vs. Separate

3. Jewlery vs. Jewelry

4. Relator vs. Realtor

5. Your vs. you’re

6. There vs. their vs. they’re

4. When someone says “I knew it! I just knew it!” after someone announces their pregnancy. No you didn’t. She didn’t know for probably 5 weeks, so how did you know? Was it the pooch growing on her tummy? Because if it was, shame on you for judging her body. This woman has probably waited 8-12 weeks to tell people who are important to her, maybe because of health reasons, maybe because she wanted to do a super special surprise and here you come along to say that you “knew.” Whatever man. If it makes you feel good to burst someone else’s bubble and rain on their parade, you go right ahead, but know that I’m giving you the HARDEST eye roll I can.

5. When people say to me “no wonder your kids love you! Your hair is so fun!” Yeah. Okay. The reason my students love me is because my hair is pink once a year. Or my nose ring, right? That’s got to be it. The reason I see the same kids almost every year is because of my physical appearance. Okay. Sure. *eye roll*

6. The fact that we ask moms to go back to their jobs at 6 weeks after giving birth. My sister just gave birth to her third precious child who is just a little over a week old and I am so grateful that my sister gets to stay at home and teach her children and watch them grow. Let’s just get this straight. Let’s break this down. Most reputable dog breeders won’t let you adopt a puppy until AT LEAST 8 weeks old. Why? Because (and hear me here…) they STILL NEED THEIR MOTHERS. They are still learning how to eat and poo and learning social cues and all sorts of health reasons and yet…. we ask human babies to be without their mothers at 6 weeks. Some moms are lucky to have some sort of FMLA, but that’s not always the case. Also, maternity leave is not always paid and many moms cannot afford to not be at work . They end up leaving their 6 week old human baby with (if they’re lucky) a friend or family member or with complete strangers at a childcare center. Don’t get me wrong. I am not judging anyone for their decisions. I respect moms from all walks of life and I recognize that I am incredibly blessed in my own childcare situation. What I’m saying is… the decisions parents have to make for their newborn child are ridiculously difficult and we are asking them to part ways with their own child sooner than we ask a dog to part with its puppy.

7. Lastly… ridiculous church signs. I have a list in my phone that I’ll open and type in church signs when I see one that tickles me or gets an eye roll. I think it’s close to 40 at this point. I’ll gladly show anyone who asks. Can we just stick to verses? Or even better, the name of your church and what time worship starts? Here are some of my favorites:

1. Need a lifeguard? Ours walks on water. 😕

2. Eternity. Smoking or Non-smoking? 🤨

3. God “loves” you. (What does this even mean??? Does God love me or not??” 😂)

4. You can’t stop, drop, and roll in hell. 🙃

5. And lastly… XO XO Be My Valentine. Love, God

Okay. I feel much better. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. As we start this new school year and the weather (hopefully) starts to cool off in the fall, can we just all take a minute to think more clearly about the words that come out of our mouths (or thumbs if we’re texting, I guess.) Maybe… use spell check, ask if it’s true, necessary, kind… all those things we ask our kids to do. And please. Churches. Just… think a little harder before you put up a sign.

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